Thy Will Be Done.

I'm so confused | I know I heard you loud and clear | So, I followed through | Somehow I ended up here | I don't wanna think | I may never understand | That my broken heart is a part of your plan | When I try to pray | All I've got is hurt and these four words | Thy will be done
These lyrics have been speaking straight to my heart lately. I've been listening to it on repeat. Sing to me Hillary Scott! This year has been quite a year already. 
My husband's cousin, Chad, was murdered in January at age 37. He left behind three daughters and a wife. And his mother, who has now lost both of her children is beyond heartbroken.

The following month, my only grandfather died. We had been close. 

In July, my best friend from high school died suddenly. No reason at the age of 31. She left behind a very distraught husband and three children ages 5, 3 and 6 weeks [at the time]. 

My husband's Aunt died last weekend. Then my mom's sweet dog died of cancer a few days ago. 

We left our home to travel on the road with my husband and then purchase a camper....

His new job changed their policy to no ride alongs at all, so we couldn't go with him. Then his old job [that did not pay well] is having trouble getting his last paycheck to him.

We got screwed tricked out of getting our deposit back from our condo...which made us unable to purchase the camper that was in our budget.

And then my husband's new work truck broke down. He's out of work for 9 days until they can fix it. 

These seasons of life are tough. The devil sure tried to bring us down.

I know you're good | But this don't feel good right now | And I know you think | Of things I could never think about | It's hard to count it all joy | Distracted by the noise | Just trying to make sense | Of all your promises | Sometimes I gotta stop | Remember that you're God | And I am not

We were disheartened momentarily. As one might imagine with letdown after letdown. You might even be wondering if we made a mistake. 

We didn't. We aren't. 

We quickly changed our tune, each trial. Why? Because there have been many blessings and we are focusing on those. My sister-in-law loves having us here at her lake house. She's been kind & welcoming. We have been so grateful for her awesome heart and kindness. 

It turns out this new job didn't fib [like all the others] about good pay. They were a little understated. It's GREAT pay. It almost matches his oilfield pay. That is saying a lot if you know how workers in the oil field are paid. 

Instead of getting a crappy camper right now that we don't have the time to completely renovate right now, we are waiting.

We were okay with light renovations, painting, putting in a new couch bed, laying a new laminate flooring...but some of these campers we found needed new floors, walls, roofs and tires. Yikes!

Instead, we will living for a couple months [starting Sept. 8th] at our favorite motel by the sea on the island. They have a two bedroom suite and we are, by the grace of God, able to afford it. Also the nicest staff on the island. Hands down. 

We also found a seasonal rental to get after that. It's oceanfront. An OCEANFRONT beach house. Five rooms. We were just hoping for a box with a window. Also in budget and even though it's seasonal, it's a huge blessing. 

Here we were looking for a cheap junkyard camper when God had better in mind. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the plan you make for yourself. When you pray through EVERY step, God has totally got your back. Trust him.

He loves his children. He gave his only one up for US. All of us. Gratitude doesn't cover it and we certainly don't deserve it but thank you Father for your Grace upon grace. 

Through the times of doubt, I kept thinking of that song, "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott [and family!] and it's just so relatable and healing at the same time. It's been on repeat. I've made everyone listen to it. 

I know you see me | I know you hear me, Lord | Your plans are for me | Goodness you have in store | I know you hear me | I know you see me, Lord | Your plans are for me | Good news you have in store

After our time in the vacation rental is up [around the end of may], we will be able to pay cash for brand new camper. And they deliver for free to the island. Perfect.

We are still doing the camper because after my husband's two year contract is up at this company he will be taking a lower paying job that is local so that he can attend UNC-Wilmington to get his degree in Environmental Conservation and Engineering. I'm so proud of him! He's such a great husband and role model for our kids.

My reminder to you for today is to look for the blessings. When you're hurting, look for the blessings. It's not always easy to do. I had to WILL myself to not freak out and instead decided that God had better in store. I had no idea what it would be, what it would look like or that it would be this good, though.

We need to dream a little bigger ladies.

Aloha, Jane

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